“Be happy, not contented.”
―
Do people confuse happiness with contentment? Looking back at much of my life I’ve experienced more than my share of happiness but contentment has been much harder to come by.
What brought this to mind was I again just recently changed the design of “Meandering Passage.” I’m not sure how many different “faces” this blog has worn over the last 13 years, probably between 10 and 30 major changes. No, I’m never content with it.
I find it a delicate balance between happiness and contentment. Happiness can exist without contentment but it’s much harder to be content without happiness or might it be better said that it’s hard to be unhappy when you’re content. But is contentment even something to strive for? The Biju Paulose quote would indicate not. It would seem to say that contentment is a trap, that contentment is settling for less.
Yet Dalai Lama teachings say:
“When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘Oh yes – I already have everything that I really need.’.”
Perhaps it’s a matter of not looking at contentment as an absolute or perhaps we must consider the goals and energies behind our discontentment to determine if it’s a positive or negative force in our lives. Would the moon be still beyond our reach or would cures for many deadly diseases still be unknown without discontentment? Then again how many suicides could be avoided with true acceptance of contentment?
Harnessing discontentment in such a way which drives one positively forward without unhappiness or self-doubt isn’t easy…at least not for me.
With my somewhat morbid and ironic sense of humor, I envision there being an “Aha” moment where all the mysteries of the universe becomes clear to me just a few brief seconds before I drop dead having not had a chance to tell anyone what I’ve learned. Naw…I probably won’t be that lucky. ;-)
However, until further notice (or the event described above) there will continue to be changes of this blog, and myself.
Don’t look upon it as change for the sake of change. It’s an evolving process. And besides, in a hundred years, it probably won’t matter. And this is an excellent image!
You’re certainly right, Ken, it is an evolving process and heck it won’t matter in a lot LESS than a hundred years! LOL Thanks! :-)
In the dictionary, contentment is a synonym for happiness. That seems wrong to me because as you intuit in your post, the two words convey different feelings that appear independent of each other. For me happiness is ethereal, it comes and goes and seems highly connected to expectations, and I consider expectations to be the seeds to resentment and disappointment, so I avoid them as much as possible. Contentment on the other hand, feels more robust to me, something I can lean on for support, something that remains even in adverse times. Unlike happiness, there are no “levels” of contentment since it is independent of external influences; it is something we can work on all on our own. Having said that, I do not see contentment as a barrier to enhance our experiences or to better our lives. Quite the contrary. Contentment does not prevent us from seeing the problems that need fixing or the goals that need reaching. Contentment puts us in a place where we can focus fully on those problems and on those goals because we are in contentment with everything else in our lives. Happiness on the other hand is highly distracting, perhaps because it involves chemicals in our bodies, whereas contentment is pure attitude. No additives required. I guess what I am saying is that I would not recommend harnessing discontentment. I would recommend the slow, methodical, mindful cultivation of contentment instead. Furthermore, I would question this pursuit-of-happiness business that so many people seems to be addicted to. And I use the word business deliberately as it seems to have become exactly that, because apparently happiness comes fully packaged with a new phone, a new car, a new relationship, (just be sure to swipe right for that one), or even a bag full of donuts ;)
Contentment may seem boring, in fact, I would say some people conflate boredom and contentment, but I’d say that would be wrong. It’s more like a safety net. It’s not there to prevent fun and excitement, it’s there to catch us when the happiness high wears off as it always does.
By the way, your blog looks nice and slick and I like the photo accompanying this post. Very cinematic. It looks like a poster for a Coen Brothers’ movie. Yes, yes, I was kind of thinking of “No Country for Old Men”. Hey, you seem to have that Tommy Lee Jones stare down pat mate. What can I tell ya.
Thanks for the input, Cedric. I agree happiness and contentment are two separate feelings and with contentment, there wouldn’t be boredom. I don’t know I’d agree about there being “no levels” of contentment. Perhaps in the truest sense but in everyday life many when asked about contentment would tell you that at times they have been more contented than others. I guess I see contentment as more a rheostat experience rather than an off/on switch. But then perhaps I don’t know contentment at all. ;-)
Contentment does not prevent the solving of problems in one’s life but I think the “safety net” could discourage some actions which might or might not advance conditions for one’s self or others. But perhaps we’re thinking and talking of slightly different uses of the word…and is being satisfied the same as contentment? It seems Biju Paulose and the Dalai Lama may have had differences of opinion on contentment as well.
As far as the pursuing happiness “business” I do agree and it’s kind of like the “self-help” book industry where the ones who are being helped the most are usually the ones selling their books.
Ah, right, I see what you mean. If I understand correctly, what you are saying is that if you get to a point where you look at what you have in life, where you’re at and so on and you feel genuinely satisfied, totally content, then there would be little point in seeking more in terms of achievements or whatever else. Yes, in that sense (if I understood it right) I agree. I can see that. My definition differs from yours but I see now that perhaps I’ve been thinking about it wrongly, or using the wrong word. It’s funny because until now, I never really considered it too deeply.
For me, contentment is, and has always been, an attitude rather than a feeling (hence why I do not see “levels” of contentment). It is independent of my circumstances, which is just as well because they change all the time and not always for the better. I see it as an attitude that allows me to differentiate between what is worthwhile (e.g. going for a new job to make a difference or be challenged) versus what is not (e.g. going for a new job for the status).
The “safety net” aspect of it is not about financial security or even comfort zones, which as you say, could potentially discourage taking action that would otherwise lead to beneficial improvements. The safety net, as I see it, is a by-product of contentment, which provides an understanding of my own nature so that if I fail at something, I see it as a lesson (rather than berate myself), and if I succeed, I am grateful (rather than boastful). As such, the safety net actually encourages me to experience more and to do more.
But I need to relook at this. I may well have been using the wrong word all this time. Rereading my previous comment, I also realise I wasn’t speaking from my own point of view but from a more generic one. Sorry about that. It was meant to be from my viewpoint alone.
Thanks for raising this interesting topic Earl.
Cedric, one of the great things about blogging and especially taking a chance by exposing your own viewpoints and understandings about specific subjects is that if you’re lucky you’ll get feedback from a different viewpoint which causes you to question what you wrote. Your take on this subject has also led me to expand my own viewpoint and understanding…an opportunity for learning is always welcomed! With your recent posts on ‘Plop’, I’m almost always guaranteed one of these expanded opportunities :-) so if I happened to provide a similar opportunity here, by design or accident, I’m pleased. LOL Thanks!
I poked my head in here and before I saw your post – I immediately thought “Ooooooh – Earl’s been busy!” :-)
I think it looks great. You have great taste in designing your themes Earl. Always improving. This one looks quite nice. Off to look around some more…
Mark, I don’t know about the ‘always improving’ or ‘good taste’ but I appreciate your kind words…especially considering the recent work and beautiful results you achieved with your site.
I like this look for Meandering Passage enough that it may hang around a while. ;-)
I’m going to restate and expand Cedric’s suggestion that “contentment” may not be a feeling at all, but rather a state of mind or a continuum of balance. And an elusive one at that! Varying levels of happiness can result from different points on this continuum, and while more contented may equate to more happiness, lack of contentment does not necessarily equate to lack of happiness. To cite this specific example, your desire to change and update your website is more a matter of expressing your changing creative viewpoint and less a factor of being dissatisfied or discontented with the previous layout. As thinking creative people, we are always on the lookout for new, different and sometimes better ways to express ourselves. Our photographic style necessarily evolves over time, just like your idea of how you want your blog or website to look. Change for changes sake may reflect lack of contentment, but change to reflect our evolving or maturing creative vision does not necessarily equate to lack of contentment. I’m talking in circles, I’m afraid. But hopefully have made a bit of a point.
Tom, I think the things we could all agree on at the point would be that contentment is hard to define, is related to happiness but not the same as happiness and can be difficult to achieve and maintain in its purest sense as we evolve and change. :-) For me personally, at least at this moment, I believe I’d agree with Biju Paulose. Thanks for the input.