— Guest post by Bonnie Moore —
William Bridges was always my go-to person when it came to helping others understand change and manage transitions. For those of you who may not be familiar with his work, Bridges contends that you have to have an Ending before you can have a Beginning. And the space in between those two things he calls the Neutral Zone. I found his concepts easy to comprehend in a business environment and I never had to look far for that supervisor, manager, department head or CEO who liked to start something before ceremoniously ending the old something. I use to tell people it’s like dating the new girlfriend before you’ve broken up with the old girlfriend. Nothing good comes from it.
If you’ve been following Meandering Passage of late, you know Earl and I are in the process of dismantling our old life and preparing to start anew. It’s a monumental task and one we both wish would be over sooner than later. But many sleepless nights and frantic walks in the park have jolted me into realizing what’s happening here —I’m in the midst of an Ending. And it won’t be enough to just sort, toss or sell. I need to bid farewell to those material goods that I’ve acquired, coveted and cherished all these many years. And seriously, how many chachkis does one person really need? More importantly, why does “empty space” drive a need in me to fill it? And shoes. Can we talk about shoes for just a moment? What void was I filling by having the same damn shoe in more than one color? There was a time when I would have argued vehemently about the logic in any of this. What’s happening to that girl?
As much as I’m looking forward to our new Beginning, I’m starting to enjoy the process of Ending. Not that my “relationship” with material things was/is unhealthy. Okay, maybe there’s an element of unhealthy in acquiring goods for the sake of acquisition. But that’s fodder for another day. What I’m talking about is letting go and being okay with letting go. Moving from a 3-bedroom home to an RV is forcing me to determine what’s really important to me and what’s just part of the acquisition (and yes, Earl, YOU are important to me).
Creating an Ending is emotional albeit liberating. And when I enter the Neutral Zone and neither my old life nor my new one feels at all familiar to me, I will know I’m right where I ought to be.
Thank you, Bonnie, I have learned a new word today, “chachkis”. You are so right about the endings before the beginnings. Very much like along the idea that to fill a cup we need to make sure it’s empty. Everything I owned was in the back of my Ranger pickup when I drove away after selling the house in the divorce. I felt so good with so little. I read something along that line today, “We are enslaved by the verb “to have”: all our reactions to life consist in corporate or individual demands, appetities, wants.” And, that was written a 100 years ago. As you say enjoy where you’re at!
Glad to hear you consider Earl a keeper! :-)
Bonnie, thanks for those considerate words. I sometimes tend to get too revolutionary when it comes to the possibility (or impossibility) to turn the wheel and steer in a different direction. You are right: the things we have started have to be brought to a good end – almost always they deserve it.
When it comes to stuff we think we need I’ll never forget George Carlin: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac
That certainly will not be your problem in your new phase of life!
The paring down of material possessions and the emotional process of deciding is fascinating, and while it can be difficult it’s important to keep the end result in mind. Kathy and I feel like we’ve gone just about far enough, but some days if feels like we’ve just started. We don’t have any intention of carting our “tchotchkies” around the country, but getting down to the meaningful essentials is liberating. The main thing is to find your way to make the break.
Just last night I watched a video of Gina Trapani giving a talk about social media, and she made a similar point to yours when she talked about relationships. She describes every relationship we have as going through three steps. Those three steps are (1) A Good Thing, (2) Rut and (3) Transition. She didn’t spend nearly enough time discussing it as I would have liked, but it was interesting. Google “Gina Trapani Think Up XOXO Festival” if you’re interested.
The process will likely get harder before it gets easier. You have some tough decisions to make, but the more you do the better it will feel. Good luck and hang in there, and let us know when it’s time to get rid of the wine!
Periodically, I will access my “worldly goods” and purge those things that have gone unused for at least two years. In a weird way, it’s fun and liberating.
Bonnie: From my point of view, this is fascinating to watch. I did a bit of downsizing myself a few years ago, and have kept my acquisitions to a low level. I remember hearing that for every change that you make, there is a loss and a gain. The word loss, needn’t be a negative thing. It’s just letting go of one thing in favor of another.
As they say, you can’t take it with you. You can enjoy it while you have it, though. Thanks for posting and keeping us informed. As I approach retirement age, or what I consider to be that age, I start thinking more and more about what I wish to jettison and what I wish to keep.